he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This toilet bowl is my home.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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