You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
