im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
