i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
