Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
