remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
