Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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