you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
