as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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