I must be too annoying 4 u.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
