he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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