Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
