Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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