i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
