i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
