and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
