I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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