I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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