I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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