Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
