I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
