If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
