I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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