I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
