rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
