This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Couch. On fire.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
