Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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