Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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