well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
