Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
