Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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