you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How external is "for external use only"?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
