you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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