jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
