I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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