you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
