a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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