what day is it and did you see me today?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
