i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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