In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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