I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
