Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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