OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
