it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
