This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
