I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
