he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
