Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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