I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize