Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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