I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
