I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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