Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
