I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
