wrigley field is MILF paradise
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
