i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
