Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
