Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
