hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
