great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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