I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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