we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
