He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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