My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
