So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
