somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
