The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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