hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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