Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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