i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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