A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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