why didn't you poke me back
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
