woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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