she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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