i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize