I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
