3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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