omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
