I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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