make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
