allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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