At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is my gift to your gina
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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