I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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