ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
